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  1. #1
    Noel Mernagh
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    joke

    Apoligies if posted before, but i found this funny.

    Young Iraqi lad signs a pro contract at Shamrock Rovers Fc.
    He scores a hat trick on debut and get carried off shoulder high.
    He rings home all excited to tell his mum the new and asks how the family are.
    How are we?:, say his mum
    "The house has been bombed,
    your dads been shot,yhe cars been burnt to a fucking crisp and ive been robbed at gunpoint..........
    why the fuck did you bring us Tallaght u little bastard....

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  3. #2
    Dave Henderson saints alive ?'s Avatar
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    good one i feel a few emails coming on........

  4. #3
    Martin Russell Planty's Avatar
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    Seen it on Facebook before , still class though
    WATRA

  5. #4
    Administrator Hano's Avatar
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    I know its an old one but i still do it and get great crack from it

    Leave a note for someone in work or text them saying "Ger Raffe/Annie Lyons was looking for you, He said could you ring him back on 01 474 8900" (Dublin Zoo)

    Caught a load of pats fans with it about a year ago
    - Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now

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  7. #5
    Patrons
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    3 old football fans are in a church, one pats fan, one sligo rovers fan and a shamrock rovers fan.The pats fan asks "When will we win a cup?"And God says "In two years"And the pats fan says he will be dead by then, and walks out.The sligo rovers fan says"When will we win the Champions League?"And God says "In 10 years".And the sligo rovers fan says he'll be dead by then, and walks out.The shamrock rover fan says"When will we own our own ground?". There is a long pause.And God says "I will be dead by then"
    formally turnstyler!

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  9. #6
    Ricky O'Flaherty
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    What do you get when you put the girlfriends of 12 Drogheda fans in a room together???

    A full set of teeth.


    Rovers fan gets his gaff broken into and phones the police. When asked what was stolen he replies,
    "Only two books."
    The Gard says:
    "Oh well that's not too bad, sounds to me like you got off lightly."
    The Rovers fan then says:
    "Yeah but the worst thing is I hadn't even finished colouring them in yet."
    Last edited by HofnerGaz; 2nd September 2012 at 01:49 AM.

  10. #7
    Noel Mernagh
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    A young man is walking down by the docks one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old fisherman, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, “Hey old timer, why the long face?”
    The old man looks at him and points out the window, “See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me Simon the dock-builder? No,no."

    The old man continued, “And see that ship out there? I've been fishing these waters for going on thirty-five years! but do they call me Simon the fisherman? No,no. ”

    The old man starts to cry again, “But you fuck one goat … ”

  11. #8
    Noel Campbell harry potter's Avatar
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    Saw this a while ago its an urban myth AFAIK but still funny

    > This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just
    > imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many
    > Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
    >
    > The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
    > called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
    > married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant
    > answers"yes",he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal
    > questions.
    >
    > The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with
    > (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same =
    > three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
    >
    > One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City
    > drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the fu**iest thing
    > you've heard yet.
    >
    > Anyway, here's how it all went down:
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
    >
    >
    > Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
    > you win. What is your name? First only please."
    >
    > Contestant: "Brian."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
    >
    >
    > Brian: "Sara."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
    >
    >
    > Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: "About 10 minutes."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
    > that if a trip wasn't at stake."
    >
    > Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this =
    > morning?
    >
    >
    > Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
    > for couple of weeks..."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Uh huh..."
    >
    >
    > Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
    >
    > DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
    >
    > Brian: "On the kitchen table."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than theprevious hundred
    > times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's
    > work number and call her up.
    >
    >
    > You listen to this."
    > [ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch
    > tones.....ringing....)
    >
    >
    > Clerk: "Kinkos.."
    >
    > DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
    >
    > Clerk: "This is she."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
    > I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
    >
    > DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
    > give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules
    > of 'Mate Match'?"
    >
    > Sarah: "No."
    >
    > DJ: "Good!"
    >
    >
    > Brian: (laughing)
    >
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
    > completely honest."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
    > your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of youwill be off to
    > the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
    >
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
    >
    > DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
    >
    > Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "What time?"
    >
    > Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
    >
    > DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
    >
    >
    > Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
    >
    > DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is
    > manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
    > from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
    >
    >
    > Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "Where did you have it?"
    >
    >
    > Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
    >
    >
    > Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
    >
    >
    > DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
    >
    >
    > Sarah: "Well..."
    >
    >
    > DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
    >
    >
    > Sarah: "Up the arse....."
    >
    > They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have
    > a heart attack , he could not stop laughing. Apperently there was an
    > unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this
    > conversation , for minor traffic collisions.

  12. #9
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    Fucking hell lads most of these were in Latin when they were first told.

    And yeah I was there.

  13. #10
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    Wow, throwback to old

    > E-mails
    > being
    > forwarded
    >
    > Nice one harry
    "We've seen you come, we'll see you go"

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  15. #11
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    Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says: "Is this some kind of joke?"

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